The last few months have truly been a series of one step forward, two steps back movements. And it's been HARD. It's made me question who I am and if I'm really doing a good job of being a wife, mother, friend, etc. More often than not, it's just doesn't seem like I'm good at this. Which then makes me crabby and impatient and thus perpetuates the cycle. That said, I've been trying to evaluate areas where I personally need to grow and change and also what my goals are and should be. I haven't had any major epiphanies, but this is how this evaluation is playing out in real life.
Both of the girls are sick and the baby kept me up most of last night. Poor thing is running a fever, has a river of snot flowing out of her nose, and has a horrible cough. Needless to say, she wants to be held all of the time. Big sister chose to not use the potty and managed to leak out of her Pull Ups right as the baby was getting comfortable nursing. Did I mention she had just used the potty not too long before that?
So I gave up. I decided the goal for the day wasn't to "get something accomplished." Instead we all got cleaned up and had movie day on the couch, complete with popcorn. Sure beats getting crabby.
My biggest accomplishment today was getting two sick and tired kids to take a nap in my bed. So there I was sandwiched between them with Daughter #1's right arm stretched across my neck from the left side and Daughter # 2 curled up in my right arm pit. And as I laid between them listening to them breath through their clogged up noses, I felt blessed. Blessed that I had the time to be there with them. Blessed to have a husband that understands. Blessed that he wouldn't mind picking up pizza on the way home.
2 comments:
I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up with your posts. And I'm trully sorry the girls aren't well. I can totally relate to the frustrations of those younger years. It does get better, well, yes, well, you'll decide. Everyone is different. I've had these same struggles for years. I just think motherhood is extremely difficult. I know the stresses and sins of my life have changed me for the worse. I'll have to write more later but will keep you in my prayers.
I hadn't checked this email for awhile, so I was pleasantly surprised to find your website. The pictures of the girls are adorable!! As I was reading through your notes, I found that I could totally sympathize. Greg is only 3 months old, so he's not moving around yet. However, he keeps me completely occupied with his constant "talking" and his happy personality. Sometimes, I look at him and think how could I love any baby more. The feeling for him is so intense that it hurts literally. I don't worry about being a good mom - but a good wife YES. I spend so much time cuddling and tending baby Greg that I don't even care about being touched by daddy Greg. He's been wonderful about it (as usual), but I still feel guilty. I know that it will all work out, it's just more challenging than I expected it would be. But I wouldn't trade parenthood for anything.
Talk to you later,
Carrie S.
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